GodMakesMyDreamsComeTrue.....

Saturday, December 17, 2005

In the month of novemeber, have been excited about the coming new year... 'cos deep in my heart.. i know that the Lord wans to give me a fresh beginning in the coming year... Though the final will be beautiful.. as He has promised that He makes all things beautiful in His time.. The process towards it sure is tough.

As i go thru thru process of pruning.. i realised what emotional pain and physical pain is all about. Emotional pain is when u loss someone that matters so much to you.. it's really like a piece of flesh sliced of from ur heart... you heart keeps bleeding yet you have noe idesa how to stop the bleeding.. the shrinking feeling from the heart.. the unfamiliar and aloft coldness jus makes one shudder at the thought of it.

Physical pain isn't easy either.. in this process of healing from the operation.. i feel so much like a child.. helpless.. weak... this feeling is terrible.. each time i need attention, i need to ring that bell, which my current personal nurse has kindly provided.. from walking to going to the toilet, to eating.. you can't help yourself.. i realise that i really dislike feeling weak and being helped yet not even being able to express gratitude.. maybe the Lord i teaching me about recieving the unconditional love of His.. simply not expecting return..

In both pains.. what keeps me frustrated is not knowing when the pain will end.. it's just living day by day.. hoping that the pain the heart will fade.. that over time the person becomes less important.. it's just hoping that day by day, the swelling will reduce and you are able to do more things on ur own.. Yet the Lord is moudling me in patience.. be still and know He is God in control..

Over time, i learn to give thanks for every little thing in all circumstances.. that seem to increase the faith in me.. to the fact that i am able to breathe more air to the fact tat i can sleep more.. the feeling was terrible.. when that night i cldn't breathe.. i did not wan to disturb my parents.. i know they are tired.. yet i do not want to go back to the hospital... where you are jus stuck to the bed.. counting each passing minute. i was reminded how christ took each breathe with great pain.. i was gasping for air..i tried to even breathe thru my mouth which is tightly sealed.. tho it hurts, i have no choice.. i can't sleep.. for the fear that i might stop breathing and jus pass away.. i really felt like giving up.. even this act of breathing.. all i cld do was call upon His name..and keep meditating upon Psalms23. My dad woke up to watch tv with me.. he knew my fears tired as he was... he kept assuring me that it was temporal.. Thank God in the next morning.. i tried sth new.. sneezing out stuff frm my swollen nose..
all the blocked up stuff came out.. and i was able to breathe..

Now my daily routine includes:
1) clear nose
2) gurgle mouth
3) eat food
4) take medicine
5) bathe
6) moisturize mouth
7)take medicine
8) eat
9) bathe

baths and icing of the body is my favourite.. delievers me of the discomfort temporarily.. even though i have stocked up lotsa entertainment.. i still can't find the strength to carry them out.. but i still wana claim the speedy recovery.. in the midst of it all.. my mum recieved a word from the Lord.. psalms 91. I jus wan to give thanks that i have the Lord to walk thru this with me.. i really wonder how to others go thru it without Him.

posted by raethelamb @ 4:33 PM

2 Comments:

At December 18, 2005 at 12:28 PM, zirp said…

mel girlie..
be strong! im missing you like crazy!!!
take care ya..i can go watch FULL HOUSE with you quietly! tell me when you are ready! i will grab the series from my fren! heehee..jus wan you to know..i read this blog!! hahaha..it's not a dead blog.. so keep updating.. prob easier for you then to reply a gazillions smses! you will not be alone in this struggle ya.. ivy is back..we hope to see you at nite..but take ur time..no rush.. we wan u to feel more comfy.. :) on the other hand..you might feel happier seeing us.. esp me! ;)
At December 20, 2005 at 9:12 AM, rose_of_sharon said…

mel dearez,
May the Lord be your strength..missing u lots..sending ya hugs and kisses..catch them!
P.S