| Wednesday, May 25, 2005 |
| ---thoughts---- |
God,
thanks for being my friend. Through this way.. just realised that when i find it so hard to cry or share to pple you can just comprehend all that i feel... Somehow, i know longer know how not to show how i feel... especially those negative emotions. Perhaps showing it would let pple know me better but in the role you put me in.. it's so hard to just recieve. So many people just want to be understood, want to be heard, to be empathised.. i know you have called me to be a shepherd and to honour others, to understan ti hear to empathise, to serve.. Yet all i can say is sometimes i really dun noe what to do..sometimes i wonder if a closer family, closer relationship will mean being taken for granted more easily, is it that good then?
Makes me think about how i treat my parents... maybe they are feeling like how i feel.. discipling is so hard. i do not need pple to look up to me.. but i just want to be the leader you called me to be. hah... it's been so long since i thrown tantrums to pple ard.. with the exception of pa pa and mama perhaps.
If only i can be jus devoid of my emotions, maybe i can serve better? But i am human and i do feel helpless, terrible, disappointed, angry.. If i can just walk away i wld do it... But i can't or is it i don't want?
i am strong.. that's what they say.. i guess.. now i jus have you... i just gotta keep going on..
As i see the lost... i feel sad.. your army of soldiers are busy caring for the wounds of one another.. will we have time for the pple out there? Help me see beyond..
Tired. Angry. Disappointed.Helpless.
Speak faith into me.. and hope..
thank you for reminding me that my family is saved by your grace. i know you are good. i jus hope to transport myself to the future... quick!!!
WIll be seeing Kai tomorrw... my rest. my break!
I love children. they are simple, trusting, teachable, affirming and caring.
God dun test me beyond what i can take k... you promised. :) |
posted by raethelamb @ 10:11 AM  |
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Name: raethelamb
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