| Tuesday, January 18, 2005 |
| The Joy of Serving you |
School has started... can't believe that i am already into my thitd year... the people around are jus moving so quickly.. really amazing how they could jus fit in so quickly and get into the studying mode. It's like there are times wehereby i have forgotten that i am a student and people around me also dun seem to realise.. maybe it's like what my nick says " full time christian and part time student". You noe, being able to complain about not completing readings, being able to have free days to slack at home, being able to jus take afternoon naps are such luxuries to me which i haven't really had.
Yet at times i ask myself if i am unhappy with the way life is.. i don't think so..'cos God has been so faithful to me.. jus as long as i did my part.. He really just provides.. it's like for this semester, people jus approached me to offer to lend me text and offer me readings.. i thank GOd for these people(Yvonne, Jolene, Peishan) but i thank God who uses them to bless me too. For bidding... it's not that things go out more smoothly for me than others.. but i jus dun feel that kind of anxiety that pple do.. 'cos of the confidence that God will provide. I know all these are jus God's ways to assure me that HE is there, He will never fail.
Issit true that GOd loves me more than others? I don't know.. but maybe cos as i really surrender to him, He really totally takes control. It's like when u carry a baby in your hand, you know that the baby can't stand or manage on her own. you will tend to take extra care, cos she is completely surrendered to you. Are there times that i waver and start looking at pple ard me.. of course.. there are even times that i fear that when exams come, i will be the only person serving him.and it can be really lonely and make me waver in my mind. it's tough cos the pple in cell go thru the same exams as me.. and when exams come, there is that expectation i place upon myself to cushion their stress..it jus seems that i have to be the rock.. to steady them when they are stressed... ironically, doing all these do make me forgot my fears and stresses.
May cos' of all these, God jus wants to take care of me. Cos.. there are times that i really want to be taken care of.. be weak and jus depend on pple. be quiet and jus listen.be walking beind. For jus a little way, to rest.. not for long.. cos i know that God has called me to lead. thank you Lord.. forgive me for the times that i jus overlooked the fact that You have been beside me.
Yeah.. the situation on my side now is like.. i am more caught up planning for GB, for Strive, for subzone, for cell, for pre enc...but not yet, studies. i guess as i say this.. i am not saying that i dun enjoy serving.. but jus that all these seems to take natural priority. WHen face with preparing for ministry or doing readings.. i will jus choose the former.. thinking of the sheep, thinking of my responsibilities. BUt in my mind i clearly know these are not rep. of my walk with God.. and i long to have a closer walk with God. When i think of studies, i know i gotta get to it.. i got to balance between being a good steward in my studies and not being sucked into this rat race unknowingly(with my mind still being decieved that i am not of the world).
Serving is a joy.. 'cos you really know God more and experience His goodness so much more. And you will also see so many lives turned back to HIm. Hee.. so if you want more of Him or you have been wondering why you dun know HIm as real as He is supposed to be then SERVE!!
GOd, help me rememberall these Prizes of serving, not jus the price.
I fear that pple ard me, my sheep jus see the price i pay and they will fear leading, serving. I fear at times that i am the one who hinders them from serving. I fear that my life turn them away from serving.
Forgive me, God if i did not portray the joy of serving.. may the pple see it in my live. BUt yet God help me continue being real to my struggles.. so that pple will not jus see artificial happiness but real joy from within.. real joy admist struggles (be it mundane or deeper struggles).
Isaiah 30:15 -
This is what the Sovereign LORD , the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength..
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posted by raethelamb @ 6:56 PM  |
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Name: raethelamb
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